Aging

Today I spent part of the afternoon at the beach. It’s been cold here in Miami these past days. By the time I arrived there it was 63F. I know. It may not be cold for those in the North, but it’s certainly cold for me.

It was a peaceful and relaxed afternoon. I finally got out of my self-imposed seclusion. Fresh air and sun was what this body needed.

I read. I listened to music. I took a lot of pictures of the sun and the water. The water and the sun. The water and the sun, with my legs on the sand. The water and the sun setting with people passing in front. I chilled. I was. I simply was. I was able to consciously just be in the present for several long periods of time. Success.

Of the many pictures I took, I did one of me. Upon seeing it, I was happily amazed of how I am aging. Not that I think I am aging beautifully or gracefully. It was just the fact that I am aging. Period.

My hair is grey. I don’t die it. One, because I really like it. Two, because my hair grows out so fast, I’d be a slave of coloring. Three, I hate going to beauty salons. With a passion.

My skin is not plumped anymore. It’s starting to sag, and feel like it’s just wrapping my facial bones. My neck is starting to sag as well. Gravity is kicking in.

Wrinkles are starting to make their entrance. My eyes. My forehead. Luckily my hands are still good. 🙂

I feel my eyes sinking into my eye sockets. And when I have to wear make it, which is rare, I find it hard to apply cause I don’t have a lot of eyelid real estate to play with. Add to that the fact that I don’t pluck my eyebrows, so that in itself is taking a chunk of eyelid space.

I’m aging, however I don’t feel scared. Frightened. Old. Freaked out. At least not yet.

So far, I like what I see. I’m comfortable with it. It’s part of being. I embrace it. I love it. And I hope I can always love it. Maybe in three years time I’m hating myself. Who knows. 🙂

And while I’m aging, I do not feel much wiser. Especially these last years. I often say: “I’m not getting old. I’m getting more experienced.” but I could only hope that would truly apply to my life learnings. While I’m 50, I still feel like I’m in the body of a 15 year old, and act like if I were 10. I have so much more to learn about myself, about my fears, my victimhood, my overall patterns, that I would have to live another 50 years to more or less break even. 😐

I have no desire of making it to 100. But if I did, then I absolutely wish I could look as old as I look now.

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